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Enduring September

Life often presents us with challenges that seem insurmountable. For many, a particular month can bring forth memories and emotions that make it especially challenging to endure. In our family, that month is September. Two years ago, September marked a pivotal time in our lives as we fought the entire month for Norm’s life while he was in ICU. Covid had wreaked damage on his lungs and the horrible effects of that were leaving their mark on the rest of his body. He fought long and hard the entire month to come back to us.

However, September is more than just the month where Norm and I fought for his life. It also holds a tapestry of other significant dates and events that have left an indelible mark on our hearts. It is a month of remembrance, reflection, and grief.

September contains:

• The last days in which Norm squeezed my hand and I saw his beautiful blue eyes
• Our anniversary… the last one we had together we “celebrated” while he was in the hospital in a coma
• My grandmother-in-law passed away the day after we got married 17 years ago
• My father-in-law passed away 4 years ago

Navigating the Challenge

As we navigate this challenging month, those are just a few of the reasons why this September has been hard, and I can’t help but also feel the dread of the upcoming two-year milestone in October. It was in October 2021 that Norm met Jesus face to face. And while I am incredibly grateful that I have confidence he is in heaven, and that he has indeed met Jesus face to face, it still brings the pain and grief of not having him here with us. While I always carry a constant awareness of his absence, his death date brings that void to the forefront of mind and heart in the weeks leading up to it.

Do you ever find yourself facing days or months when you just feel utterly drained? When it seems nearly impossible to take another step forward? It’s in these moments that the concept of endurance takes center stage. And it is by the grace of God, we find the strength to endure. We keep moving forward, sometimes at a snail’s pace, and occasionally, we may even take a step backward. Nevertheless, we endure.

“being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy”
Colossians 1:11 (ESV)

That’s how I feel. There’s this patient endurance (although not always so patient) that is being developed and cultivated that keeps me in the race. Keeps me moving forward. I know I have two kiddos counting on me to endure, family counting on me to endure, and a story being written that requires I endure. So while it’s not always graceful or pretty, by God’s grace and His strength I am able to endure.

As we endure, we experience a transformation. Have you ever felt that? It’s akin to the sensation of working out consistently over an extended period. You may suddenly find yourself able to lift more weight or notice that you’re not as winded after a workout. It’s a realization that you’ve been steadily getting stronger, even if it didn’t seem apparent in the moment. Before you know it, you’re lifting more weight than you ever thought possible, or you can walk or run farther than before, all with less fatigue.

This is how the journey of widowhood has felt for me. Almost two years into this journey, I still carry the weight of deep grief, but it no longer weighs me down in the same way it did during the first year. I carry this weight differently now; it’s more balanced, and I am stronger and better equipped to handle it. The memories that once brought tears to my eyes now often bring smiles and laughter.

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.”
Hebrews 10:36 (ESV)

Having faced September’s challenges and made it through, I am reminded of the strength that comes from enduring, the transformation that occurs when we persevere, and the resilience that enables us to carry the weight of grief with grace and hope. It is a journey marked by love, loss, and enduring faith, and I am so grateful for God’s grace and strength that accompanies us on this journey.

Heavenly Father, we ask that You strengthen us to endure. Help us to run this race before us in a manner that reflects You well. We know that our circumstances have not caught You by surprise and that You are at work in our lives, causing all things to work together for good. Give us a glimpse of that good and allow our eyes to see Your hands upon us. We are so grateful for Your Presence and Your comfort. In Jesus name, Amen