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But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
Hebrews 10:39 NIV

It was 3:12 am as I started to write. Instantly I am reminded that 3.12 was marker on the calendar of six months after my husband’s death. Are you like me, and have a whole new way of keeping time these days? There is the life before Dave died and the time since Dave died. Can I dare say it? The life since Dave died.

At first, there was the fog.

The utter shock of finding out he would not be coming home.

From there, I transitioned into some type of daily existence.

Doing the things that had to be done, but little else.

Eventually, I started to breathe again.

And one day I laughed. And more time went on.

Eventually, I started living again.

It is so hard at first, but somehow we move forward. Sometimes, it feels like we have to take it moment by moment, then it becomes day by day, and eventually, month by month. As I struggled to move forward in the beginning, I can remember desperately telling people – I just need encouragement, I need to hear I am doing well, even if I’m not.

I am sure most of us can make a list rather quickly of things we would recommend not saying to someone who has lost their husband. We all have examples of things that were not helpful, and sometimes things that were even hurtful. But what would we tell our family, friends, coworkers and others to say?

What is helpful to say?

As I was reading in Hebrews this week, this verse (Hebrews 10:39 NIV) spoke so deeply to my heart.

We, my dear sisters, are not those who shrink back and are destroyed. It may feel like it for a little while. It may most certainly knock the breath out of us for a little while. But we will not be destroyed.

We will go on.

Eventually we start to actually live again. Because we are those who believe and are saved. We belong to Him and we have hope.

Most people have never been through the trial and the pain of losing a husband. They can’t relate and they don’t know what to say. As one of my very wise friends, who walked through this journey with me said, “You are right, they can’t relate, and you wouldn’t want them to. We wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on our worst enemy.”

I am so grateful for her wisdom, because if anyone said something that irritated me, I was able to be thankful they didn’t understand. But now we have the opportunity, responsibility, to care for those who follow behind us. We have the opportunity to encourage them in this oh so difficult journey.

How will I encourage them?

By reminding them who we are – not those who shrink back and are destroyed and whose we are – those who believe and are saved.

I think these words speak so deeply to my heart because when my husband died, I felt like the whole world had been yanked out from under my feet. I struggled with who I was, I was no longer a wife, and what my purpose was, what do I do now.

The truth in this verse keeps us oriented on who we are and what our purpose in life is. When we are His, we are to persevere in our faith and to glorify Him. We have the chance for others to see God’s love, His mercy, and His faithfulness in our lives. We glorify Him simply by being, living with Him, step by step, day by day. No circumstance, no loss, can ever change or diminish His presence in our lives.

I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this journey would be without truly knowing God as Lord of my life. I am grateful that I know that Jesus died for my sins and because I believe in Him, I have eternal life. My hope is secure in Him. Oh, how I have needed Him. If you are struggling in your faith or if you have not come to that point where you know that you are His, please let us know so we can encourage you. You are welcome to send a private note if you prefer.

Pray for one another.

Dear Heavenly Father, I am so grateful that I am Yours! Lord, I pray for my dear sisters who are on this journey with me. I pray that You would comfort them and encourage them with Your truth. I also pray for those who will be following us on this journey. Help us love each of them with Your passionate love, encourage them and remind them of your truth. And Father, we also pray for those on this journey who do not know You yet. Protect them from hopelessness. Help us be Your hands and feet in loving them and caring for them so that they may come to know You personally. In Your Son’s Holy and Precious Name, Amen.