{{item.title | uppercase}}

{{item.authdes}}

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Can I talk with you all, about a bit of an awkward topic for many widows?

Dating!

Do I jump into the dating world again?

If so, when?

Do I just want companionship or do I want to get married again?

How do I go about getting “out there”?

These can be very daunting questions for us widows. And it certainly doesn’t help matters when just about everyone we know has an opinion on if we should, when we should, and who we should date.

Every widow’s journey is different, but here is how it’s worked out for me.

About nine months after John died, I began to think about dating again when I found myself noticing attractive men and not feeling guilty that I found them attractive. So as I approached the year mark I began to tell trusted friends that I felt like I was willing to go on a date if the opportunity arose.

To be honest though, I was scared to death!

Dating as a twenty-something was hard enough. Now I was going to venture into this world again with three young kids, more “baby” weight than I wanted, and then there was the whole widow thing.

It hasn’t been an easy road. It’s had ups and downs…but I have learned so much about myself. See, I wanted to be a little smarter about my dating choices than I was in my twenties. My forty-ish self has learned a lot, and I didn’t want to fall into the same patterns I had back then. Patterns that quite frankly led me into some relationships that just were not good for me.

So this time I decided I was going to involve God in the process…

I told God what I wanted in a second marriage. What type of person I was looking for, and I asked if that aligned with what He wanted for me. I also asked Him to protect me from myself. I recognized that healing from my grief had left me weak. I didn’t trust I could make the right decisions when needed, so I asked God to close doors when I wasn’t strong enough to do it.

God has been faithful to that prayer….even though there have been times when I wish He wasn’t! There have been times when, because I’m not God and can’t see the big picture, I was pretty sure that a gentleman was a great match for me and seemed to check off all the must haves. But then the door would slam shut before anything even really got started. It was frustrating in the moment but in each case, I can look back and see that God was right! None of these men were bad guys and a few are still good friends, they just aren’t the person God has in mind for me. So I waited.

I trust God’s wisdom, and I let Him direct my path.

When I think of this journey, I can’t help but think of Proverbs 3:5-6, I don’t always understand what God is doing, but I choose to follow His lead, and I believe doing so will lead me to where I want to go.

Only you will know when it’s the right time to date again or even if you should date again.

But whatever you do, let God direct you.

When we refuse to lean on what we think we know, or past patterns, or what others say and just trust God with all our heart….we can’t go wrong!

Father, I pray whatever the road we take, that You help us remember to submit to You and Your will for us. Even if we can’t see the big picture, You can and will never steer us in the wrong direction. Thank You for Your love for us and Your desire to always do Your best for us. Amen.