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The thief comes only to kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10 NIV
Who am I now?
What do I want my life to look like?
How do I even start to figure it out?
These were all questions I find myself asking once I have worked through the toughest days of my grief.
For each of us, it’s different, but I believe we all will come to a point on this journey where we have “done the work” of getting through the grief. Oh, I’m not saying the grief is gone… I don’t know that it ever goes away completely. I’m talking about that time when you wake up one morning and realize you are starting to look forward to the future. When you have truly accepted that it’s okay for life to go on.
It’s a good feeling, until reality hits.
I had been married for almost fourteen years, had dated my husband for two years before we got married. For sixteen out of my forty years on this earth, my life was linked to John’s. I cooked food that catered to both our tastes, I watched TV shows that he liked because I didn’t have much of a preference. We went to movies that would appeal to both of us. John was a bit of a homebody so we didn’t go out much. He was a stronger personality than me and had stronger likes and dislikes, so I found myself letting his preferences dictate our life together. That’s not a bad thing, it’s part of being married in a lot of ways.
But I’m not married anymore. So now what?
I knew I didn’t want to keep doing things the way I had when John was alive. I wanted my life to look different but I had no idea what that meant for me and my kids. So I started a journey of self-discovery. I just began trying things. I joined the singles group at my church and met new friends who opened me up to new experiences. I decided I would say yes whenever someone asked me to do something new.
I went dancing for the first time since college. Another single mom and I took our kids camping …in tents and cooked over the fire! The kids and I checked out some local festivals we’d never been to before. I went ice skating, hiking, and jet skiing. I took the kids to the beach for the first time. I went back to attending the theater. I embraced the creative talent given to me by God and rediscovered my love for creating art. I got involved in ministry leadership. My kids and I started serving as a family in new ways at church.
I learned a lot about myself that year and I continue to discover more about who I am now. I have learned what kind of life I want to have as I move forward. God is using this time to reveal glimpses of how He plans to use me, where He wants me to go and what He wants my life to look like. God doesn’t want us stuck.
He wants us to have life and have it to the full, but we have to take the first steps to start discovering what that means.
So, who is Rene?
I am an artist, I am physically active, and I am not a homebody.
I love the beach, dancing, and going to the theater.
I am a strong leader, I have ministry strengths that God is using in new ways, and I have an influence on lives I never realized before.
Who are you?
Our Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for my widow sisters who may be feeling a bit lost right now. Feeling unsure of who they are and what you want for their lives. I pray that You give them the courage to step out of their comfort zones and try new things. I ask that You give them guidance and direction about what the next step should be. I praise You now for the amazing things that You are going to do in the lives of these women. Thank You, Jesus, that You came to give us a full and abundant life and help us all to embrace this precious gift. Amen