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“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.”
Matt. 7:24 ESV

Security in anything (other than Christ) is an illusion.

Jobs, finances, health, relationships can all disappear. Whether they fade over time or disappear in an instant – it can rock our world.

But this world is temporary. As widows, we know this truth all too well. We live with it every day. It changes our perspective on things forever.

Decisions can be overwhelming

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend who was struggling with how to help their mother, a recent widow, and as he described how she was doing, he ended it with, “,,,and she can’t even make a decision!”

Oh, if people only understood how truly overwhelming it is to make decisions during grief! We have been making some of the hardest decisions of our lives since the moment we knew we had to say goodbye to our loved one. Our bodies are fighting to protect us from the stress of the sheer enormity of it all. It can knock us down mentally, emotionally and physically. And yet there are still more decisions we have to make. On our own, without our partners.

About a month after my husband died, I was frantically trying to make order out of chaos. I decided I would organize his office so I could use it. Dave had a tendency to keep old electronics piled around his office. (True confession – it drove me nuts) I decided to start there and gathered up old printers, monitors, etc. and drove them to an electronics recycling site. I waited through the long line and then turned over the pile to the group of 20-somethings volunteering at this site. The last item tossed on the pile was an old boombox that didn’t work.

The cost of decisions

And the moment it hit the pile, something in me broke and I started sobbing uncontrollably. Not discreet little tears streaming down my face, body-wracking, heaving sobs, that you couldn’t miss if you were within twenty-five feet. Everyone around just froze into place. I never said a word. I couldn’t. Dragging myself to the car, I somehow managed to drive away. The rest of the day I spent mentally curled up on God’s lap.

Decisions to dispose of our belongings, or to move out of the house we shared, or to date again and let someone into our battered hearts, and so many other decisions can be inordinately difficult. In an instant they can reduce us to heaving sobs. Our natural inclination can be to start avoiding making decisions altogether.

How to make wise decisions.

How then, can we make wise decisions while taking into account our fresh perspective on how this world is temporary?

1. We can strive to seek God’s wisdom and trust that He will guide us.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV

2. We can check our decisions and make sure they are aligned with biblical principles.

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Matthew 6:33 ESV

3. We can seek wise counsel. We want to prevent ourselves from getting carried away with what we want, we want to stay aligned with God’s purposes.

Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
Proverbs 19:20-21 ESV

Stand on the Rock

And most importantly we can have Faith. God will complete His work in us!

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6 ESV

It’s difficult enough to make decisions, especially while you are grieving but when you start falling into the trap of believing that you are solely responsible for the decisions it can be paralyzing. We can get caught up in trying to make the “best” decision and veer off the path. Remember the things we tend to think our security rests in are an illusion. Christ is the Rock on which we stand.

Dear Heavenly Father, You are the rock on which we stand. We ask that You give us wisdom and align us to Your purposes for Your Glory! Amen.