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Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7 (ESV)

When my husband died, I became lost in the pretend world of getting on with life.

People offered prayers of comfort that I couldn’t feel. I tried to pray, but the only thing I wanted was to have my husband back. I knew that was impossible.

My prayers consisted of one word – God. I repeated that one word. Each one came out as a desperate whisper until I began to go through the more realistic motions of life. Some people described me as brave, strong, calm, but most humbling of all – inspiring.

It wasn’t true.

People had ideas about me, and they didn’t know the half of it.

“Every day’s a little better,” I said. I’d practiced the words until they sounded about as genuine as a toothpaste commercial.

I resented well-intentioned words of comfort. Only a simple “I’m sorry” helped to soften my pain from those who dared judge my grief or pretend they understood it.

I reached a turning point when my brother, a widower, came to see me. He too had lost the love of his life several years before. He said, “I see you’re still wearing your wedding band.”

I glanced at my hand. The band was a symbol of what I had lost. “Is that okay?”

“Of course, except when it’s not. Just don’t become a professional widow like I did.”

Professional widow? He had remarried.

“What is that?” I wished I could end this conversation

“It’s a label; one that’s easy to let define you and your relationship with God. A day will come when God answers your prayer; just be sure to open the door when He does.”

“How will I know?”

“You’ll know. Just ask.”

It wasn’t long before I realized that the things you’re most afraid of are what you really need to ask for and I cried out with the most courageous prayer I had ever prayed.

Please pray with me:

Heavenly Father, help me understand this shadow of death so that I may be confident in the journey before me. I ask for forgiveness for my doubts and have faith that You will provide. I ask for Your love and I know that it’s been there all along. I surrender to You and accept Your plan for me and regardless of what You choose, I will do it with all my heart. In Your most precious and holy name, Amen.

And this, my sisters in grief, is when I raised up my eyes to acknowledge the greatest love that there is. He wants us to bring everything to Him, whether in anger or supplication – as any parent would.

My one-word prayer is a real thing and it had helped me stay near to God with a closeness that had given me the strength I didn’t want, but that I needed.

What a joy to be faithful in prayer with the freedom to share everything from my heart and then to be still and wait for God’s response. Sometimes He says no, sometimes He says yes, and other times He says, not now. He is always faithful – we only need to ask.