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And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6 (ESV)

In my last article, I shared a story of watching a Monarch butterfly flit and flutter around like it had no care in the world. Entangled in grief’s spider-like web, I so desired to be as carefree as that butterfly flying around me.

As I continued watching, I sensed the Lord affirming to me that I would indeed fly carefree someday like that butterfly.

I was intrigued, to say the least, and wondered if there was a correlation to the stage of life I had now found myself in. Reading all I could about a butterfly’s journey from a caterpillar to a butterfly, I quickly discovered there was.

In my last article, I shared the correlation I discovered in the early stage of the butterfly’s life as a caterpillar and its role in this grand transformation. If you haven’t read my previous article, you can read it here to discover how as widows we must be like a caterpillar.

In order to become a butterfly, the caterpillar must change.

The next phase in becoming a butterfly is the pupa stage and it is here that transition begins. Wrapped in its protective casing, the caterpillar decomposes to its core, void of any shape or form of its former being, turning into a mush-like substance. Some say it becomes caterpillar soup!

At the moment God spoke to me, I knew I was a caterpillar in my own cocoon. My life didn’t look like it used to. Loss and grief had changed and altered me at my core. I was literally caterpillar soup!

Each day I struggled to know how to go on and to find my purpose in the world. While friends and family moved on with their grief, I found it very hard to move forward in mine. Time after time, I cried out in desperation to the Lord. And His answer to me most frequently was “be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

I didn’t like this cocoon of grief, but I came to accept that for a time this is where God wanted me to be. It was a place to draw near to Him and to rely on Him for my strength. It was an opportunity for me, with the Lord’s help and guidance, to rediscover myself and to find my purpose.

What might look like the end is only the start of a new beginning!

Cells that were present in the original caterpillar begin to grow into wings, legs, and antennae. The caterpillar starts to transform into a butterfly. Widowhood is a similar process. Life doesn’t look like it did before but thankfully we are not left to ourselves in the transition. God, our Creator, has promised to finish the work He has started in us. We just need to trust the process of becoming a butterfly. We can’t stay caterpillar soup forever!

Change is inevitable but transformation is optional!

Did you know that less than 10% of all caterpillars complete the process and emerge as a butterfly? That’s a horrible statistic I know. While the statistic for widows may be much higher, the truth is not everyone will choose to heal, adapt and grow. The question we have to ask ourselves is will we allow our loss to transform us or will we let it destroy us?

While everyone’s cocoon will look different and some may be caterpillar soup longer than others, we can become stuck in our cocoon of grief. The caterpillar is never meant to live the rest of its life in the cocoon. And neither are we! We are meant to emerge with wings spread wide to show God’s glory. (But that’s the next story!)

The pain is hard and burns deep in every fiber of our being. Like the chrysalis of the caterpillar, we are vulnerable during this time. It’s important that we wrap ourselves up in the cocoon of a loving, supportive community. Maybe it’s a family member or friend, a pastor or grief counselor who can help you monitor your healing; someone who can nurture you toward healing and transformation.

Grief, if left unattended, can be a door wide open for the enemy to steal, kill and destroy. Just like the caterpillar needs protection from its predators while in the cocoon, so do we!

So while it may not be an enjoyable place to be, remember you are wrapped in God’s love and that is the best cocoon there is!

Lord, help us to trust this process of metamorphosis created by our husband’s death. It’s lonely sometimes in the cocoon of grief so help us to lean into you knowing that you are with us and will finish what you have started in us.