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Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3: 5-6 NLT

Remnants of my past life linger in the doorway as I stand here peering out the window into my front yard. It feels lonely here now.

We built this home together. It’s where two dreams came true with the birth of our girls. I can still see him approaching in his silver truck the morning after his firefighting twenty-four-hour shift. My heart yearns for the love he carried across this threshold. Nothing beat starting the day with his arrival. He always blessed our home with energy!

With anticipation I’d peek in the mirror as he approached. Call me old fashioned, but I always liked to look pretty for him!

I loved preparing for his warm embrace. I can almost feel his rugged hands on my back as I stand quietly here now. He’d say, “Just like a puzzle.” Ahhhh…. How I miss the way we fit together.

It’s all just a memory. Pre-pancreatic cancer, pre-chemo, pre-hospice, married life memories.

God, meet me in this lonely threshold! I am not sure how to keep going without Kevin ever coming home. When I hear the phone ring, I am certain it must be him. I wake in the morning sometimes forgetting he’s gone.

I am left with remnants, like souvenirs from the past. When Kevin died, I so tightly held on to our life together. It was as if my knuckles turned white with fear that some part of it might slip away. My first year of widowhood was quest to maintain status quo.. I can keep him alive by reliving our routines, right?

Denial.

What would Kevin would do in this situation? How can I recreate his presence?

Denial.

Eventually I understood. Denial held me hostage. I had to face it! Like it or not, my life carries on without Kevin. Dear God, grant me the wisdom to embrace the hope in a re-defined future.

Slowly, God started answering my prayer.

Isn’t it amazing how when you finally ask God to come in, He does? He waits patiently in the thresholds of our lives until we open our hearts and let Him in.

Suddenly, I started seeing gifts and opportunities unique to my new life. I developed deeper friendships. My business started changing to better reflect my values. My involvement in my church grew and I even began pursuing my dream to write!

But moving away from my past somehow meant moving further away from Kevin. I didn’t want to loosen my grip on life with my beloved.

But gradually, as I relaxed my hold on the past and held God’s Word tighter, I began seeing how He could use my life’s greatest loss for good.

I started understanding that I don’t have to lose Kevin’s memory in order to accept God’s new path for me. But, instead, He could USE that loss to create a ‘me’ more pleasing to Him. I started surrendering.

Dear Lord, do Your work in me. I want to see what You have in store for me!

His plans for me are good.

Dear Sisters, we were not promised perfection this side of heaven’s gates. Loss hurts! Set your sights on GOD’s grace and allow yourself to see how you fit into His puzzle. We can extract lessons from our past. But rest in His embrace and surrender to His will for your future.

Yes, Kevin, you were right. A loving embrace fits ‘just like a puzzle.’

God’s embrace fits for me.

Dear Father, despite the pain and sorrow of widowhood, I rejoice in the perfection of Your plan! I pray for Your wisdom. Please show us the path You place before us and guide us to lean not on our own understanding but to walk alongside YOU. Your plans for us are GOOD! Help us to see the hope and blessings in our walk of healing. Amen