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As a new year begins, I usually take time to reflect on where I’ve been and seek God’s wisdom on where I am going. This year has begun with the realization that I need to make a public confession…

My Confession

I am not a good steward of God’s resources. It may sound harsh, but it is true. In particular, since becoming a widow I have not been a good steward of my body. I have not taken care of myself in a way that honors God. A significant weight gain (more than 40 pounds) is the most visible sign of my neglect. You may be tempted to not want to call it sin, but if you define sin as missing God’s mark, then it is definitely sin. This is not the body God intended to use as His temple. It’s not about how I look; instead it’s about how I am taking care of the temple in which God dwells.

So is today’s post just about me? No, hopefully my confession will encourage you to seek God’s truth to combat the obstacles and lies that we may encounter in this journey of widowhood.

Beliefs & Behaviors

Years ago, I was encouraged to develop a discipline of reviewing what was going on in my life and assessing whether or not my behaviors and my beliefs were aligned. I was taught if they aren’t in alignment, it can add a significant amount of stress in your life and cause you to be less effective. I continue to find this process helpful in identifying where/how I still need to grow and where I need God’s help.

Like so many of you, the death of my husband, overwhelmed me, beyond anything I had ever imagined. But as I picked up the pieces, most of the people around me would say my life looks like I have handled things well. I was able to return to work, carry on with my responsibilities, and even take on new challenges. I manage my household responsibly, am financially responsible, and contribute to both my family and my church in many ways.

But underneath the surface, I started to realize something wasn’t right. I was suffering from a paralyzing sense of heaviness. As I pondered what to do, I began to assess my behaviors and my beliefs and it opened up the conversation I needed to have with God.

A Living Sacrifice

It didn’t take long for me to begin to question whether my physical well-being might be an issue. It’s hard to ignore an additional forty pounds. Those forty plus pounds didn’t just happen. They were a result of intentional bad choices on my part. I hated eating alone, cooking for one, and grocery shopping for just me. It was all a painful reminder of my new marital status – widowhood. So I deliberately chose to eat fast food or whatever snack food sounded good and if it caused heart damage or shortened my life then so much the better. I wouldn’t have to suffer as long on this earth. I can’t tell you how many times I had that conversation in my head.

As I began to examine the belief that aligned with those behaviors. I realized I had fallen for the lie – that it is my life and I can do what I want. Lord, please help me!

In response to my cries, God reminded me of His truth:

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Cor 6:19-20 ESV

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship.
Romans 12:1 NIV

Dear Sisters, may I please encourage you to be diligent in caring for yourself! You are an important part of the body of Christ! God dwells in you! There should not be a question of your value or worth. He paid dearly for you. Worship Him as a living sacrifice!