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But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

My youngest, age six, unknowingly created a stir among the staff and teachers at church.

He drew a picture of himself and his dad playing soccer. His dad died when he was seven months old. They never played soccer together.

Now, I appreciate the concern of the teachers. I really do. But…

The staff wanted to make sure I knew right away what Tanner had drawn. When the staff first came to me, I was a bit blind-sided and busy with other things at church. I said, “Thanks for the info,” and continued on with my Sunday morning duties.

The next emotion, the next day, when I looked at the picture, was frustration.

Really? You don’t understand the grief process any better than that to know this is actually a good thing, a normal thing? So what if he imagined playing soccer with his dad? I am sure that all of my boys have thought of doing something with their dad again. The Sunday school lesson was about friendship. I am thankful beyond belief that, even though he did not really know him here on earth, my youngest considers his daddy a friend.

Thankfully, I did not voice those emotions when I was all worked up and therefore muddy the waters and cause trouble with my dear friends on the staff.

But now…I am realizing that this is really an opportunity.

I was able this week to send to the staff some information I have collected about children and grief–how they process and what it means. I pray they never have to refer to it again, but at least they have it, should they need it.

God has put me in the place to educate others on this grief process–what it means and how it works. It is my job and my joy to share with others how they can truly help the grieving, and how to relate to them.

People are dying around us. Death is the inevitable end to life. We cannot get to Heaven without it. But everyone must grieve as well.

In my opinion, our culture fears death too much. While it may be a fear of the unknown, it can be a fear that is crippling, preventing us from dealing with death, the dying…and grief.

I have not shielded my children from the reality of the pain of their loss. It really, really stinks that their dad is not here. Some days still are nearly more than I can bear. I know it is the same for them.

My boys deal with the loss in different ways at different times. We have had sleepless nights, where I have one who wants to come snuggle in my bed because of a dream about Dad they cannot seem to forget or mentally process. They have sad times and mad times, and just lonely times. Just like our grief journey, they have spasms of grief hit them at different times, especially as they grow and can process more.

And life events happening now affect them, just like us. We have been talking about death more in our family recently because a dear family friend just lost her battle with a brain tumor. We went to the memorial service a week ago. I think it is bringing it all up for my sweet little Tanner. That is totally fine…more opportunities for him to process and ask questions. I know from my own grief that it is an elephant you don’t eat all at one time…nobody can.

As we continue to heal from our friend’s loss (and process more about dad’s) I will continue to watch my boys and answer the questions as they happen. And revel in the fact that both of these people, so important in our lives, are even now in the presence of the Lord, enjoying the things we have only dreamed of.

And, in the meantime, I have a sweet new picture to put on my fridge of Tanner and his daddy playing soccer.

I asked him if he thought there was soccer in Heaven. He said he thought there were better games than that.

Amen and amen!

Dear Father, even as our days on this grief journey lengthen, help us to continue to heal, all the parts that we need to heal. Help me, as the mom and the leader in the healing process, to recognize and appropriately act when my children are peeling off another layer of the grief onion to deal with. Help me to guide them into healing and into Your arms. That is the best place to be, the only real comfort there is to find. Help me, also, Lord, to help others to understand this journey better. Thanks for being a God who cares for us! In Your precious and holy Name, Amen.